I have been struggling for quite a while to find my inspiration for writing. In college I wrote all the time. I wrote fan fiction as well as my own original pieces. I was always eager to write. (Now this might be because in my first two years I was lonely and had a lot of time on my hands).
After I graduated I spent a lot of time editing and working on self-publishing my book of short stories, Is There More? Once the book was completed I found myself struggling with picking up my pen and writing again.
It wasn’t that I didn’t want to write. The stories chased themselves around my head, all the time. I had ideas piling up on my phone and in notebooks. It was just as soon as I put my pen to paper, the words were stuck. I couldn’t translate my ideas in any real way. They would sound chunky and out of order. The stories themselves started to sound contrived and boring. I just felt like I was barely treading water.
I worked on a novel, wrote two drafts but never felt connected to it. I always felt like I was pushing against a wall and the wall was winning. I began to wonder what I was doing wrong or what I needed to do again.
During this time I was also struggling hard with finding a job. My schedule was all over the place and my mental health was not the best. January I found a full-time job that I love. I don’t come home stressed. I feel accomplished, wanted and needed. I feel the most in control of my life than I have in a very long time. But writing was still so difficult for me and I could not figure out why.
On August 4th I went to a writing conference in my city that was held by a local nonprofit. It was free and it was big. I had heard about it for a long time but never could manage to get there. I was finally able to do it this year and I am so thankful that I did.
I didn’t know what to expect. I didn’t know if I was going to meet a bunch of people, hear great talks or just feel comfortable in a realm that I knew. I was worried that it might not be what I wanted it to be, that I would leave feeling lost and disappointed. When in fact the opposite happened.
It was simple yet it was exactly what I needed. I didn’t meet anyone new and I was okay with that. It was interesting because it was a conference for writers, who are usually introverts, everyone kind of did their own thing. No one forced a conversation to “network.” Everyone there was friendly but there was no forced ice breakers. For me I felt comfortable because I wasn’t being forced to talk, just to talk. I didn’t feel out of sorts or like an outcast. I felt like I belonged there, which is a super important feeling for me.
The talks were awesome. I felt connected to the subject matter. I sat in on a talk about after the first draft, what publishers think when reading your first page and social media for writers. I felt connected to all the subject matter and it was useful. Not stuff I knew already. It was information that I could and will use.
I expected a younger crowd. I am not sure why but I was expected a crowed from 20-35. Where in reality it was actually more like 35-60. I found that inspiring as well. I think part of my problem has been that I feel like the older I get, time is running out to make my writing matter. Seeing the older age range here made me realize that isn’t true. I knew it deep down but it pushed that thought to the surface and that was helpful.
I am so excited now to write. I found a journal that I want to submit to. I feel like I have an idea of how to go about working on my novel. I feel the old excitement that I felt in college. I also plan on joining this group that is the local literary group and hope that will give me a push that I need. I am so excited again and that is thrilling.
How have you overcome a creative block?