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Once Upon a Time – 4X05- Breaking Glass- Spoilers

Once-Upon-a-Time-4x05-2-850x560Two main things happened in this episode; Emma and Regina finally had a confrontation about what happened with Marian and we also got more questions about The Snow Queen and her plans as well as found out how she once knew Emma.

This episode confirmed that The Snow Queen did not come over to the mortal world with either of the curses. She has been in our world for quite a while. The last scene made it seem like she was at one time one of Emma’s foster families. This revelation raises more questions about this woman. How long has she actually been here and what was she doing with young Emma? Why did she erase her memories? Because something went wrong? Also did she ever go back to the Enchanted Forest during that time? She does not looked to have aged all in the twenty plus years, why? I know that whatever she has been planning is elaborate and going to be complicated.

In this episode The Snow Queen imprisons Elsa and makes an interesting point about fear. She tells Elsa that the more scared she is the stronger the chains holding her will become. She tells Elsa that she has “So much fear,” and “Imagine what you could do if you learned to control it.”

This is a point about magic that we haven’t seen before. So far we have seen magic controlled by love and by anger but no one has every made a point that they control their magic by fear. Fear can be all consuming. Everyone has been afraid at one time; whether it was walking through a haunted house or waiting for test results to come back. You get tense and the world becomes focused on that one thing that you are scared of.

People make rash decisions when they re afraid. We laugh at horror movies when the victim runs upstairs instead of out of the house. But when you are consumed by terror you can’t think things through rationally. You run to get away or you lash out. Fear makes us irrational and only concentrated on surviving.

ELIZABETH MITCHELL, GEORGINA HAIGWhich is why this idea is so interesting. We can assume that The Snow Queen is no stranger to fear or terror. Why she understand fear so well we do not know yet but I think she has been alone and she has been working to survive for quite sometime. Whatever caused her fear The Snow Queen has found a way to control her fear and use it to her advantage. She is strong, cunning and if she has been afraid long enough or enough times I can easily see her taking that helpless and making it into an asset instead of a weakness. Does fear really have any affect on her anymore? How will this change how Emma will be able to fight her? Generally you want the enemy to fear you and thus backdown but if The Snow Queen controls her fear this becomes an obsolete tactic.

Elsa gets out of the chain by telling herself over and over again not to be afraid. She pushes her fear to the background and concentrates on escaping and helping her new friends. She ends up getting herself free because she overcomes her fear. The Snow Queen tells Elsa she is proud because it would seem that Elsa is losing her fear. Why does she want Elsa to lose her fear though?

And if Elsa ends up losing her fear in some way does that put her in danger or the people around her in danger? If you do not far anything you put yourself into situations that could be dangerous. To survive we need fear. We need to fear animals that could eat or tear us apart and we need to fear that person with the weapon that could kill us. If we don’t that fear we have a greater chance of lashing out and getting ourselves killed. Our survival instinct has a sense of fear to it.

If Elsa loses her fear what will happen? Will she be reckless or cruel like The Snow Queen? Why does The Snow Queen want Elsa like this? She rejected Rumple’s help but does she need a different kind of partner? Does it have something to do with Elsa having the same type of power as she does?

The other main aspect of this episode was Emma and Regina finally having a real confrontation about what happened with Marian and Robin Hood. Regina is pissed and she doesn’t want to be around Emma. She sees her heartbreak as Emma’s fault. In Regina’s eyes all her recent issues and problems are become of Emma and she isn’t entirely wrong.

OUAT-Breaking-Glass-01Emma makes a statement to Elsa that once you screw someone over it become difficult for them to ever trust you again, if they ever will. She knows how it feels to be betrayed and she can’t blame Regina for hating her. She knows that righting this is going to be nearly impossible but Elsa does not let her give up. She tells Emma that you do not give up on people you care about, you keep trying. It will take time but you can’t walk away.

Emma realizes that she has to take a different angle with Regina. She can apologize all she wants for what she did but that won’t change anything. She goes to talk to Regina one more time and tells her that she wasn’t looking to assuage her guilt she was actually looking to reconnect with someone she thought could be a friend at one time. Emma tells Regina that while she finally has the family she always dreamed of in Storybrooke she doesn’t have someone who can understand her like Regina can.

Both Regina and Emma are misunderstood and have been rejected. Emma never found herself until Henry came for her. She never thought she was truly wanted just like Regina after Daniel died. Both of them became closed off and angry against the world. No one else in their lives can understand how that feels. Everyone else has been loved or accepted at one time. Regina and Emma know how the other feels when someone makes a wrong assumption about them.

Regina and Emma need each other. Each needs an ear to listen to them when they are feeling lost and rejected as happened frequently with both of them. They can be there for one another. When they talk to each other the other actually understands and can help in a useful manner. They need someone to balance them and they can do that for each other.

“You’ve never had my back and you never will,” – Regina – Regina has never let anyone have her back. She can’t trust easily and when she was warming to Emma, Emma goes and screwed things up with Marian. But Emma can have her back and visa versa. Regina just needs to actually trust someone for once.

“Learn to live with it,” – Regina – This is in response to Emma professing that she feels bad about what she did. Regina is not accepting her apology easily or tries to fix things. She isn’t going to let Emma off easily. Regina has to live with her pain everyday so does Emma.

What is the mirror for that the Snow Queen completed?
What other mirrors are involved?
What did The Snow Queen do to or with young Emma?
Why did she erase all memories of herself?
What is her backstory?
Why does she want Elsa to learn to control her fear?
Does she need Elsa?
Does she have Ana?
What is her endgame?
Can Regina and Emma be friends and support each other?
Can either of them allow someone else to help them or support them?

Forward is the Only Direction- Day 17- Writing 101

A/N: Day 17 prompt was to write about a fear or something you are scared of. The twist was to write in a different style then what you are used to. I tried to write in a stream of consciousness type way as well as keeping it personal.

writing-101-june-2014-class-badge-2I parked the car and glanced at the clock on my dashboard. There was fifteen minutes left until the meeting was supposed to begin. I stared at the little white glowing numbers trying to get my brain to stop racing.

What would they think when I walked in that door? If I went in too early then I would have to interact with someone, maybe? Or I could end up sitting alone, waiting desperately for the meeting to start so I could stop feeling like a three-eyed alien. I bet I am the youngest one there tonight. They are all going to wonder what I am doing there. I am too young to know anything about this. Why is she even here? Does she even know what to do? What has she written that is worthwhile? She isn’t old enough to have anything worthwhile. She has nothing published, why even bother listening to her?

“Dammit, that is enough,” I snapped at myself. I had to stop this incessant sound track that was trying to take over my mind. That damn little voice is always trying to make itself the only thing I hear. I need to stop it in its tracks or else I will never get out of this seat. If I was going to go through with this and meet my goal tonight, I had to not let my habits take over. I needed to completely ease my mind and go in there and see what happens.

It was eight minutes to seven. It was time to leave my car. I opened the door, stopping the song mid sentence. I gathered myself together. I had to stop trying to think of what could happen in this meeting. Right now even trying to think positively was dangerous, my mind would run away from me and that was not acceptable. I just need to go in there with a blank slate.

I knew that I was also battling the side of me that wanted to get into my car and turn around and go home. I could easily open that door back up and drive until I was in my parking lot. Go up to my apartment, curl up on my couch with my purring cat and just be safe. Home was safe, here was potentially dangerous. But here was also an opportunity I could not pass up. I had to show myself and what I could do other people. I can’t be successful hiding behind a closed door, it just wasn’t possible.

I walked up the street, continuously telling myself to remain calm and stop obsessing. I need to put a smile on my face and straighten my back. I have to be open to what is going to happen next; not on guard. I need try to show every who I am. Not show them that scared child that hides in the corner that keeps trying to come out. Yes, I am quiet but I do have a voice and when I use it, it echoes loud and proud.

The meeting starts quickly. I barely have time to take in everyone that surrounds me. I am asked to read first. I read with my eyes never leaving the small black letters before me. All my energy is concentrated on not stumbling over my words and making myself sound like an idiot. I want them to hear the story with the emotion that I intended for it. They need to hear the story without my nervous voice coming through. All my energy goes into reading what I wrote so they can get escape just like I did while writing it.

The critiques are few but good. They are not harsh or angry. They are helpful and are given as opinions not commands or demands. I accept them without saying much in return. I don’t know what to say, still afraid that the wrong words may leave my mouth. I don’t want to sound arrogant or upset or too nonchalant. So I don’t say much but a few “thank you’s” and “I understands.”

The spotlight leaves me and I feel myself relax. My shoulders are no longer taut and my hand has gone down to only slightly trembling. Now it is time for me to listen and add my voice in when necessary.

But as is my habit my voice remains inside me. Look we are talking about blogging, I should open my mouth. I should tell them what I know, how I blog and why I like where I post my pieces. The woman wants the advice, why can’t I give it? Why can’t I just tell them what I know? Why is my opinion not worth as much? At least in my eyes. Because they may ask too many questions and I may run out of answers. Maybe they will think I am being too haughty, or maybe I’ll say something that they will all stare at me for. Am I even blogging the right way?

“Enough!” I silently chide myself. I can’t do that. I can’t let the obsessing over what may happen keep me from finding out what will happen. I have always hid away in this tiny comfort zone, always keeping myself scrunched up in here. This spot is safe and warm and nothing can hurt me here. But also nothing can help me here either. There is nothing left inside this little circle of mine, but old words and dried up thoughts and dreams. It isn’t pleasant in here. But I live here.

I live in this zone because I am terrified. Terrified that when I venture out, putting my toe over the line, that the world will come crashing down on me. Like everyone is a dragon waiting for me to cross that boundary and they will swoop down and consume me. They will throw negative thought after negative thought at me. Or I will make a bad impression and they will never forget it. Or I won’t make an impression and I will cease to exist to them. I will remain invisible as always. That is what is outside that comfort zone, at least in my head.

I tried for years to deal on my own. I would jump over the line and then slink back in because it was all too much. My imagination would take off creating all these horrendous scenarios and I would just curl up into a ball and refuse to move. If I didn’t move then those scenarios were dead in the water. It wasn’t working.

So I made a decision, I needed to find someone to help me. My family is great but they don’t understand. I needed someone who could try to give me tips and advice and ways to work with the fear. I found a therapist to talk to and quickly realized that I knew what I was doing was absurd.
No, people weren’t going to attack me as soon as I opened my mouth. And if they did, I didn’t need them. Yes, this introduction or that interaction might go wrong but I can walk away. I can walk away and my life is not over. The chances of that one person having a hugely detrimental effect on my life from this point onwards because of one dumb thing I said is very very small. I know all this, I know I am being too hard on myself. I know I am obsessing and I need to stop. Now I am learning how to do just that.

This was a big step for me. Not only did I actually walk into this meeting but I shared apart of myself with them. Did they get the best impression of me? No, they saw the quiet woman who is still living mostly in shadows but the important thing is they saw me. I let them see me and next time I will let them see a bit more.

I will never be the one who can go around a room and chat with everyone that is there. I will never be the one to jump at the chance to talk to a stranger. But I am slowly learning to not fear those unknowns. Yes, it can go bad and Yes, it can go well. But I will never know until I actually try.
Next time I will offer my opinion on a subject, even just a few words. It will be one more step forward. And for now on, forward is the only direction I am going to bother trying to go in

Once Upon A Time- S3E14- The Tower Review (Spoilers)

This episode was very concentrated on David and conquering his fears. Ultimately we learn that the plot line was for Zelena to capture David’s courage, which is an interesting twist on the Oz story. I am sure in further episodes we will see her finding something connected to the heart and brain.

The episode began with a different Charming then we are used to seeing. Charming is the strong character, always comforting Snow and giving positive encouragement to anyone who needs it. He is the true knight in shining armor type. We have never seen him truly fearful for himself, even when he was dying in Neverland. He was just concerned about scaring Snow and Emma during that moment.

This episode humanized Charming. No longer is he just the hero character. No longer is he the prince who is all set out to save the day all the time. Now he is just a scared father. He failed his first child and he is terrified for the cycle to repeat itself.

I liked this episode for precisely this reason. As hero you would expect Charming to shrug off his issues and tell himself he is being dumb and not to worry about everything so much. He wouldn’t let fear rule him, we very rarely see the Prince Charming type character fearful or lost. You wouldn’t expect him to be as desperate as he becomes. And this fear is ingrained in who he is. Even without his memories that fear lives inside of him, this far is apart of him; which makes him fighting the fear and winning all that more significant.

Then in Storybooke we watch as Charming fights himself. The best part of this bit was how he didn’t crumple to pieces like Rapunzel. He was afraid at first. He was confused and he didn’t want to hear what his other self was saying but he moved past that. He stood his ground and he fought back. He defied his fears, taking out that part of himself. Now that doesn’t mean his fears are all gone, we see that he is human so he will have to do this fight many times again but for right now he is in control.

This is an important idea for this show. All of these characters are held back by an overt or secret fear. They lack confidence in themselves, making them very vulnerable.

Emma fears what having a family truly means for her. She wants that life but it comes with challenges and hardships and she doesn’t know if she can handle all of that. Regina fears who she is without Henry. She doesn’t know how to define herself anymore, what her purpose in life is and that terrifies her. Snow seems to be worried but accepting as the events take place around her. But somewhere deep inside of her she has to be afraid of what this all will mean for her new family. Is she meant to have a happily ever after?

While David is battling his fears and finding his courage Zelena is working on her plan. She has a very interesting conversation with Rumple. Crazy Rumple is once again rambling, this time about the voices in his head being quiet when he is dead. Again this man is not the one we saw leave earlier in the season. He hasn’t accepted his life and become determined to fight for a life that will make him happy. I am sure we will get more answer next week while he is on the run.

The conversation that Zelena and Rumple has is about appearances. Zelena is adamant that she hasn’t been able to hide her true nature her whole life. She says, “Our outside showed exactly what was rotting on the inside.” This is a very interesting statement to make.

First of all, generally people strive to hide the dark side of themselves. They don’t want people to see the worst of them. Most of the time we would hear that statement as, “Our outsides never showed what was rotting on the inside.” But the way she says it she states that everyone has always known she was wicked and cruel. She states that she never had to hide that part, it was always there. I think it goes deeper then her being green, that wasn’t the main way she has been showing her dark side to the world. The question becomes, how long has she been this way? The way she states it, it sounds like she has been this way since birth. What happened to make her see herself this way?

The second interesting part of this statement is how accepting Zelena seems to be of her “rotted,” core. She says it almost with a relish or excitement. She doesn’t say it with regret, or anger or even sadness. It is just a fact to her, nothing more. She is no good, she has nothing good inside of her. Who made her believe this? What happened to break this woman down? Is there any good left inside of her?

My question is, is there anything that can redeem Zelena? We know that the darkest characters can be redeemed. Rumple had his love for his son and later Belle that has kept that small good part of him alive. Regina has Henry. What does Zelena, have if anything? Or is she like Pan, completely unredeemable and selfish?

I am very interested in her backstory because I am positive that something happened to break her down. And it was more than being green or being abandoned by her mother. Rumple states that she never cared about appearances. Suggesting this woman has had this screw it attitude for quiet a while. Whatever happened to her happened early and hit her very hard.

This episode showed us a new side of Charming. He was always a man who had the outward appearance of being resolutely strong and unbreakable, and now we know that he has deep emotions and fears. It also showed us Zelena as a woman who revels in her wickedness and doesn’t believe any other part of her exists anymore.

“If it can be broken it means it still works”-Hook – I like this line because it shows us a softer side of Hook. It also tells us that no matter how closed off Emma tries to be she can’t completely close herself off from the world.

Where is Rumple?

Are we going to learn who this man is and what happened to him? Which Rumple are we dealing with?

Why does Snow trust Zelena as she does?

What is Zelena doing with courage and most likely some incarnation of the heart and brain?

Who does Zelena really want to hurt? Is it just Regina?

When will Henry be clued in on what is really going on?

What happened to Zelena to make her believe that all she is, is wicked?

Can she be saved?

Can you see me now?

No one sees me over here. I am invisible, the same color and texture as the wall behind me. Beige and smooth were my new characteristics. No one can touch me here. No one can bump me or ask a question I can’t answer. I don’t have to fumble with my words. I am not making a mistake and ingraining a negative image of myself into these minds. I am safe here. This is my hideaway.

My best friend slides down the wall and lands on his butt with a thump. He sits pretending to tie his right shoe, “Going to hide all night?” He whispers, careful to not let a soul see him talking to himself.

“How did you know I was here?” I whispered back. I had been so careful when I had come in. Shrinking from shadow to shadow until I had found my little corner out of the way.

“How long have I known you?” He asked, switching to the left foot. We only had a few more seconds before this act became obvious and questionable.

“Too long,” I laughed. He stood up and gave me a wide grin. He stretched out a hand, fingers wiggling.

My whole body wanted to reach out and take that hand. I trusted him, would do anything to help and protect him. He knew almost everything about me. If anyone could lead me out of this hole, he could. But my hand refused to move.

I shouted inside my head, commanding myself to stand. Demanding that I go out there and truly laugh and have fun but my feet didn’t budge and my legs never twitched. He gave me one last pleading look before turning away and disappearing into the crowd.

I felt a tear slide down my cheek. I took a rattling breath and calmed my racing heart. It was okay, I was fine. I was perfectly content in my corner. I was safe here. Here I could watch the world, see what went wrong and not worry about being in the middle of the disaster. Here nothing could happen to me.

I sat and watched the people mingle. Some conversations were loud and excited. Big warm greetings and genuine smiles were met with boisterous demands for details about lives and loves. Other interactions were more muted, less loud and extreme but still genuine and comforting.

The quiet laughter was like music to my ears,easy and as nice to hear as were the loud shrieks and laughs. People bumped into one another, drinks spilled and no one said a word about it. Mistakes were righted and life kept moving. No one shouted at anyone else or made jokes at anyone else’s expense.

I was on my feet now, my heart racing. It was okay. I could be out there and I would leave again in one piece. I stepped an inch from the wall but still concealed by the shadows. My friend came into view, shrugging at someone’s comment.

As he turned to switch groups his foot caught on a chair and he hit the ground, hard. The room didn’t come to a stand still while everyone stared. The Earth kept spinning, and tomorrow would still come. No one shouted and pointed. Those on the opposite side of the room and no idea anything had happened. Their conversations continued without pause.

He was helped up by those he was going to speak with. He was brushed off and gave them a laugh. The breath I had been holding quickly escaped as a laughing sigh of relief and realization. My feet moved forward, one in the front of the next. As the shadows receded I came into view, my brown hair and hazel eyes catching the light of the room. My grey turtle-neck and straight black skirt made their appearance. I got a smile and a nod, but otherwise no one questioned or noticed.

I came to a halt at my friends arm, hands wrapping around his elbows. “Can you see me?” my voice shook slightly but recovered quickly.

He laughed and side-hugged me. “Yes, yes I can.”

I answered with a genuine smile and a lightened heart.

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